We often try to make ourselves less lovable, so we don’t have to be as afraid of being loved. Holding back the positive qualities that our partner finds most desirable is another way we act on this fear. When we push our partner away emotionally or retreat from their affection, we are acting on this fear of intimacy. Fear of death tends to increase the fear of intimacy.Įven though the fear of intimacy is a largely unconscious process, we can still observe how it effects our behavior.
This can lead us to feel more pain about the thought of death. We fear both the loss of our loved one and of ourselves, and in the process many of us unconsciously pull back from our relationships. When we feel loved and admired, we start to place more value on ourselves and begin to appreciate life more. Our capacity to accept love and enjoy loving relationships can also be negatively affected by existential issues. So, we often react with suspicion and distrust when someone loves us, because our fear of intimacy has been aroused. We don’t know whether to believe this new person’s kind and loving point of view of us or our old, familiar sense of our identity. Therefore, when someone is loving and reacts positively toward us, we experience a conflict within ourselves. The negative feelings we developed toward ourselves in our early years, became a deeply embedded part of who we think we are. If we felt unseen or misunderstood as children, we may have a hard time believing that someone could really love and value us. We are reluctant to take another chance on being loved. After being hurt in our earliest relationships, we fear being hurt again. Overtime, we may prefer these fantasy over actual personal interactions and real positive acknowledgment or affection. We may even begin to rely on fantasy gratification rather actual interactions with other people unlike people, fantasies cannot hurt us. We learn not to rely on others as a coping mechanism.
As kids, when we experience rejection and/or emotional pain, we often shut down. For this reason many people shy away from loving relationships.įear of intimacy begins to develop early in life. Falling in love not only brings excitement and fulfillment it also creates anxiety and fears of rejection and potential loss. The experience of real love often threatens our self-defenses and raises our anxiety as we become vulnerable and open ourselves up to another person. Most of us say that we want to find a loving partner, but many of us have deep-seated fears of intimacy that make it difficult to be in a close relationship. Love is not only hard to find, but strange as it may seem, it can be even more difficult to accept and tolerate. We can overcome our fears of intimacy and enjoy more loving and more intimate relationships. We can confront our negative self-image and grow our tolerance for a loving relationship. It is possible to challenge our core resistance to love. Moreover, featuring two different gay men who were vastly different from one another helped challenge the stereotypes that still plague gay men to this day.In order to overcome our fear of intimacy, we must challenge our negative attitudes toward ourselves and not push our loved ones away.
"I really felt like there was a very good chance that we would be pulled off the air after three episodes."Įach of the four main actors would go on to win Emmy awards for their roles. We didn't know if it was going to be accepted or not," she said. "When we came on, we knew that we were trying to do something risky.
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It was just one year after Ellen Morgan became the first character to come out on TV - a move that subsequently tanked "Ellen's" rankings and likely led to the show's cancellation.īut "Will & Grace," a show that largely focused on two gay men, was so popular that it was revived 20 years later.ĭebra Messing, who plays Grace, told TheWrap that she originally saw their gay lead (Eric McCormack's Will) as the most "revolutionary" aspect of the show. NBC's Will & Grace" was an unlikely anomaly when it first aired in 1998. Eric McCormack as Will and Sean Hayes as Jack on "Will & Grace."
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